My family lives miles away from our extended family. Like two flights over the Atlantic for a total of 17 hour commute. This has meant we have relied heavily on technology to stay in touch with “cucu” and “guka” aka grandpa and grandma. Enter video calling. This has been a lifesaver for so many reasons and today as our kids chatted with my sister in Kenya, some things I noticed which got me thinking about video calling and how to optimize the time together:
1.) Name the time – we call it “Didi” and “Dada” time as those are the names our kids call both my sisters. Language gives meaning. It helps the brain associate the time with previous experience – whether negative or positive but either way its helps kids know what to expect as they draw from previous experience.
2.) Keep it consistent – that way it gives kids something to look forward to and you can plan your activities / day around it.
3.) Make it engaging – depending on how often you have these calls, you could have grandma or aunt read them a book, eat together, or have a pretend tea party, make something together, there was once my older brother had an eating contest with our son (6) – it was quite the spectacle but it kept him so engaged.
4.) Keep them brief – again depending on how often you have them or depending on your kids age / tolerance level. 15 – 20 minutes has been found to be optimal for littles and you can go increasing it as they can tolerate.
5.) Assign a task to each child if more than one child. During the pandemic when we were doing these more often, I would notice when it was time to switch off the call – it would be a big production to turn off the call i.e : press the red button, because everyone wanted to be the one to do it. So if everyone has a task either – the one to hold the book / prop of this happens, or the one to turn off the camera they feel empowered and take ownership of the call.
6.) Maximize the screen – this is also helpful while watching YouTube videos and other media. The more you can minimize distractions the better for you. I would notice when the screen was reduced – the kids would immediately go like – hey what’s this and begin clicking off down different rabbit holes.
All in all, be guided by your Childs cues before, during and after call. If they seem disengaged, worried or the calls are causing a change in behavior, always explore what could be going on. Meet their basic needs before video calls such as bathroom breaks, ensuring they are not hungry etc etc.