We are currently in the dead of a Canadian winter so the days after school are pretty much drab for lack of a better word. Enter screentime. It becomes an easy default to get through the hour or so in between the end of the school day and when the evening routine, dinner and bedtime begins. There is no right or wrong way to go around navigating this time but just like with all things screentime; the two words to keep at the forefront – habit and mindfulness. Here are 5 things that have preserved our home sanity during this time that can easily become a slippery slope.
1.) Gauge the milieu; aka – Notice the temperature / environment on a day to day basis after school. What is the mental pulse? What vibes are the kids giving off at pick up? What does your own energy feel like? Are you still reeling from the stressful day you had at work? There are just days that we are at the end of our rope. There is literally nothing else to give. Same goes for our kids. It could have been a day they just felt stretched thin – from being told what to do, where to sit, when to use the bathroom etc. I put this recommendation as the first one because I feel your mental health will get you before any screen time guilt. There is no need to pretend to want to play UNO with your kids on a day like this (in between gritted teeth) all in the name of being a screen time police. You cannot pour from an empty cup. If watching a show will get everyone to unwind then so be it. However, If this is occurring more frequently or on a day to day basis then there needs to be more deeper discussions occurring about what are we really trying to numb. With screentime the issue is usually the habit and not the one-off event.
2.) Connection connection connection. After a long day of wandering through a galaxy of unknowns, kids may be looking for that North Star to guide them back home. They are looking for that person to remind them – I see you, I see your work, you matter, that is such a cool trick etc. . It is not the time to grill, lecture nor pull out the extra reading work. It is a time to enter into their world as they deem fit. What I found useful in our home today was 10minutes shooting indoor basketball hoops with our son then 10 minutes doing nails with our daughter. After that they went off to have their own independent play sans screens; So connect connect before you disconnect.
3.)Allow for downtime. Preferably after making that connection – it may be a good idea to allow each child their own quiet space and time to just be. It can happen anywhere in the home -whether in their bedroom or right next to you. It is a time when conversation is minimal and mainly guided by them. They decide what and if they want to share any information on their day. Again. remembering they are coming from a day of being told what to do, when to eat etc, this is a great opportunity for them to collect their thoughts – think through what happened at recess, regulate their nervous system as they transition back into the home environment – in short just hear themselves think. What a super power to be able to hear yourself think clearly in this otherwise noisy world. As they grow older this can be a great time to do their extra reading , home work if any etc etc.
4.) Offer opportunities to help in the house (usually dinner prep). Normalize them being a part of the day to day workings of the machinery called a home. Dinner prep is usually a tricky area as the time is so short and it is a task that needs to get done without the bells and whistles. so this is one you are welcome to use your discretion as far as what you have the patience for and are willing to tolerate at the end of the day. There is a hack I saw somwhere a mum who assigns “zones” to different areas / tasks in the home that everyone is responsible for. It could be the take out trash zone or the set the table zone. Whatever works that is developmentally appropriate. Today our daughter (4) breaded the chicken legs after she had mixed in the egg and she was so proud of herself. I had to remind myself to “trust the process, trust the process,” as I would have done it in half the time she took.
5.) Provide opportunities for dopamine rewarding activities. Really at the end of a long school day the brain is seeking to stimulate these reward pathways in an otherwise bland day that was full of worksheets, bells ringing etc. I learnt about the importance of balancing low versus high dopamine reward activities over a 24 hour period and it was a game changer. The thing with screentime and excess scrolling, video gaming etc is that it provide endless high dopamine activities. The secret sauce is setting up opportunities for play or activities that still stimulate release of dopamine – just at a lower level than endless scrolling. I put out the keyboard some weeks back and our son has been practicing on his own Jingle Bells over and over. Today he was teaching me how to do it and I felt such a sense of accomplishment when I figured it out – dopamine reward.
6.) Check for signs of autopilot mode. This is when turning to screen time becomes the go-to “unwind” option on the daily after school without anything else being considered – have we emptied out our lunch bags, have we walked the dog? have we read anything? Checking for auto-pilot mode is important to keep in mind even for us as adults. There is actually a recently released study that showed parenting skills decline when parents use screens to relax and unwind. The parents were reported to “use poor behavior such as yelling, nagging, and saying hurtful things to their kids.” If parents report such behaviors, one wonders what are the implications for kids as far as allowing them space to sit with their emotions. Our slogan last year at work as do not numb it name it. Using tech to unwind can sometimes become like a numbing salve as opposed to using it for the pure entertainment it was made for.
Happy to have you here as always! xoxoxox Penny