We took a road trip as a family from Canada to US a week ago with our three tots (7), (5) and (1). Typically a 9 hour drive – with kids, add in maybe an extra hour or so. It was our first “road trip” of that duration as a family so you can imagine I was on planning over-drive. Like all well meaning parents, the night before departure my husband and I downloaded movies, the kids favourite shows, you name it we had it on their tablets. We chatted the night before and said the longer we can push the trip before we serve up the tablets the better. The kids did not even know we had carried their tablets from a previous out of country trip as we had slowly phased them out of our day to day use once we got back because were just tired of screen policing.
Lo and behold we begun the road trip. We of course had packed activity packets in their bags in addition to snacks, lots of snacks. 4 hours in – music is playing in the background, crisps are being passed around, puzzles are being done, spot it games are being played. Not a peep of anyone saying how bored they were. 6 hours in – my husband and I turn around our middle girls (5) had passed out and was taking a nap. Our son continued on his activity book. Of course the 1 year old was just doing 1 year old shenanigans. It was at this point my husband and I went like, “Are we seriously going to make it all the way without anyone asking for a screen for entertainment?” At the 8 hour mark, my husband and I glanced at each other with a glint in our eyes as we literally high fived each other when we turned around and saw everyone had passed out for the night. Suffice to say we made it from Ontario to Boston with not one visual screen device turned on.
I write all this not to brag or pat ourselves on the back because trust me we had downloaded 20 hours worth of movies and shows. We are those parents, we do not try to be heroes in this media inundated world. If screens maintain the sanity then so be it. I just want to share that they do not have to always be the go to. Our kids showed us how capable they are of just being normal participants in day to day happenings without needing sedation. Here are some things I noticed by choosing to go screen free for the 10 hour ride:
1.) More engagement in the real world : At the first rest stop while about 4 hours in, our kids were so engaged with the surrounding especially because we had just crossed the US/ Canada border. They were asking questions about the coffee, how USD translate to CAD etc. I just feel compared to our most recent trip to Kenya a few months ago they were less zombified and more alert.
2.)Less dysregulation and more rest – granted the trip was long – I felt because they were able to take long naps during the trip (about 2-3hours at a time) they were more relaxed and more able to self- regulate as they were not fighting fatigue coupled with digital hyper stimulation.
3.) Less squabbles – I feel this had more to do with just being in close quarters together for that long without having distractions they were able to engage in play longer together and have more meaningful conversations.
4.) They overall had more presence and awareness during the trip. So we visited my husbands and I alma matter – Salem State University. We spent time with family and friends and the kids were just able to BE PRESENT with other human beings without the constant asking of , “when can I get back to the hotel to play or watch on the tablet?”
Here are some things I can share to keep in your back pocket in case you are thinking of making such a trip through the summer with kiddos sans screens:
- Prepare them and have the conversation as age appropriate on the the upcoming screen reduction before the trip. What worked in our favour is that we discussed the tablets use after we returned from our most trip that we would no longer be accessing them daily as we were just tired of screen policing and constant managing their use. (Of course we did not tell them the last part, what we said is that we noticed it was taking up a lot of our precious time and yet we had only one chance to see the things we would during the vacation.)
- The week or two before the trip start reducing screen use. If it is daily try go to every other day. If it is every other day try twice a week etc. In healthcare it is called a gradual dose reduction. This will lower their dopamine threshold in that they will be able to gain pleasure from low dopamine activities. I write more extensively on low v high dopamine here and in essence manage longer periods without seeking the thrill from screens.
- Recognize that kids are more capable of just participating in the day to day life than we give them credit for. To quote Jerrica Sannes, there is no need to sedate kids in public. They are messy, they are noisy ; they are kids. Often times we parents take upon ourselves the burden that their boredom is somehow our fault. It is not. The social fabric has frayed so much that we are parenting solo without extra hands on deck and eyes to watch every magic trick. It gets exhausting and I get it – the screens provide a much needed break. But I promise you, there is so much more on the other side of the discomfort of boredom.
- Have other alternatives on hand. From activity packs with each child’s interests, snacks – because what is life without snacks. Music playlists, audio books – Captain EJ has the most soothing voice with kids stories. He is on Spotify.
- Check your own screen use. It is almost unfair for the little ones when they see us numbing and checking out from the real world for hours on end and yet we are the same ones trying to tell them not to drink the same punch we are guzzling. Normalize just existing as a unit without the constant siren of devices beckoning.
Again, this worked for us for this trip. I do not know if it will work the next time around but I can promise you it is worth a try. I have said before, we are fighting an unfair fight and it feels as though screens are always winning. However after this trip I saw a glimmer of hope that things can actually be normal without the constant allure of the digital vortex that is constantly trying to reel us in.
- I wish you happy travels this summer. Whether you go screen free or not, remember you are doing the best you can with the information you have! xoxox Penny.