Going to the playground with the kids usually gives me downtime. I literally park the car in the parking lot and right when I turn off the ignition they have jumped up and have dashed off to the swings. I sometimes have a book or just sit on a bench and watch the birds. I sometime engage in small talk with a nearby parent depending on my mood.
The other day I was left more exhausted and I felt robbed of my downtime. There was “that parent.” The one who is hovering over their childs every move even when the child is clearly capable and enjoying going up the slide alone. Granted if the child is just learning how to walk some oversight would be helpful. But what ended up happening my daughter was playing with the daughter of the hovering parent and when they would try climb any rock the mum would scoop her up and place her on top then start looking around like where is the mother of this other child? Because shame and judgement are real, I would have to get up from my downtime and have to walk over and help my very capable child go up the rock. On and on we went. So there we were chasing after the kids, going ooh and aah at every little thing they would do. It was exhausting.
But you see, when our 1st born son was an infant, I was that mum. I remember clear as day going down the slide with him at the playground until I could barely fit and I stopped and asked what the heck am I doing here? I was the helicopter, the drone, the bulldozer; all of those at the playground. I watch his play now and I see his constant seeking approval or validation to do anything independently. It is only after I had my daughter and recently begun learning about how powerful play is. Kids know how to play. They are hardwired to play. They do not need to be taught, cajoled or directed to play. Constantly helping or “playing with” actually undermines their own capabilities and self-drive.
Once we start intervening and offering rules, advice etc etc, we rob them of so much and leave ourselves exhausted. There is so much learning happening when they play – risk assessment, conflict resolution, negotiation, emotional regulation – it is a whole therapy session in one. So next time you are at the playground and little Johnny cannot climb the monkey bars maybe he is just not ready for them yet. Let him do what he can, lets back up a bit and let the kids play. I wish there were baristas & coffee tables around playgrounds where parents could get a cup of coffee, croissants and just talk other things while the kids played and went back and forth as they pleased until they were tired. Anyway, in the meantime, just let them play.