A few weeks before the school year started, hubby and I were desperate. Desperate because we had no after-school childcare. The school day ends at 3pm and between my hour commute thrice a week and hubbys client-facing work – there was no way either of us could make it back on time for end of school pick up. We had been on waitlists, summer was coming to a swift end and we had no plan.
A few days to the start of when we needed someone, I remember that weekend telling hubby – all we need is a miracle, and a miracle we got. We were fortunate to find a lady who just immigrated to the country and was looking for part time work. The best deal – she is able to pick the kids right at the school bus and hang out with them for the two hour window after school is out.
Enter screen time. Knowing the emotional drain that occurs through the course of the school day in our kids love tanks, I try slow down the tempo after school by allowing plenty of free play, engaging with them in whatever activity and playing slow music and really watching shows on an as-needed basis. Herein lies the challenge with having a new person in the mix who may or may not share the same values you may have as a family on managing screen time use. Here are some things that have been beneficial the past few weeks with the lady who has been caring for our kids after school :
1.) Set the boundary early in the game. Have some “pre-game tailgating” with your kids. Prepare them. Have a script if you must. “So guys on XYZ days, auntie Jane will be with you after school and we will continue to do what we usually do – crafts, relax, snacks, music etc.” For the person watching your kids from day one be clear with your boundaries around screen time use – that includes their own phone use etc. Taking care of children should be treated and honored as a job with boundaries.
2.)Be clear. To be clear is to be kind. There is nothing as annoying as setting ambiguous rules and then getting enraged when the assignment is not understood. Let both your kids and the person watching your kids know that “during this time we are choosing not to watch TV or get on our gadgets.” You can choose from these alternatives.
3.) Design is everything. Recognizing that especially if it is a new child minder, they may have no idea where your stash of colors or baking soda and vinegar for the volcano experiment are. Especially if they are minding the kids for a short while – say an hour or two, you can do yourself (and them) a favor and lay out the crafts in a way / place they will find them when they arrive. That also conveys the message without being over-bearing – here are the options you are welcome to pick from these. Do not micromanage. Most humans do not like to be managed. They prefer to be led. So lead well. Lead from behind – allow them creative space to think of things to do with the kids – such as walks to the local park, looking around for DIY projects that you my not even have considered etc.
4.) If they are there for longer periods, say 4 plus hours with the kids, you may need to sit down and (even though you may know it by heart) you may need to write it down on paper. The kids may already be familiar with the rhythm but it helps when they see it being reinforced as they will automatically default to those settings. It only helps your care giver and also your kids not start to wonder what is happening next which easily leads to defaulting down the easy path of TV which then becomes the go-to.
5.) Thank them. Child minding is honorable. It is an act of kindness and at the end of the day even if all your grand plans fall through – it is usually a system thing not a person thing. Systems fail. Humans make mistakes. They are trying their best, your kids are trying their best and most of all you are trying your best!
Happy digital parenting xoxoxox Penny