We recently welcomed our third born to the family a few weeks ago. As with all transitions in a home we have had to adapt our rhythms around naptime, slow down the pace on our outdoor adventures etc etc. We have been lucky to have my mum in law visiting – I have had great laughs with her and of course enjoyed slow home cooked meals.
The kids have been having a blast with her around – I actually read an article recently around the theme that kids who grow up surrounded by their grandparents thrive and I am witnessing it hands on. Grandparents will die on any hill for their grandchildren. I think it feels like a do-over for them as far as parenting. A second chance to make it right. Slow it down. With all the years of experience they have learnt to not sweat the small stuff. You see as parents we are in the trenches yall. Enter screentime.
One of the things I have noted is that our screen time rhythm and boundaries as a family has been wishy washy by no fault of anyone. To tuck it on we are in the thick of summer and in addition to a newborn; it has been tricky. Some of the things I have observed are devices showing up at the dinner table, more youtube accessing, my son has also gotten into playing this game where you can win prizes – all things that are sending off warning signals for the digital wellbeing in me. He is doing it literally everyday first thing in the morning. I would say with grandparents and screens, some things to consider in navigating screen use :
1.) Choose relationships over rules : Sometimes we may want to be a stickler with our screentime rules, though one thing I would suggest with grandparents – choose the relationship over rules. Especially if they see grandma or grandpa once or twice a year. Your child is not going to become a screen zombie from watching a show on grandma phone twice a year when grandma / grandpa visit. It gives them great joy moving mountains for their grandkids. So let them at it.
2.)Do not be afraid to speak up if something is outside your screen time values : While you do not want to fracture the relationship, you also have to parent at the end of the day. Kids will be happy to push the boundaries knowing they are in open season territory. However if it is way past bedtime and you know your child will be up at the crack of dawn and cranky or the shows are inappropriate for your child – you know your child – feel free to let grandpa / grandma know. They will be happy to oblige because they also do not want to fracture the relationship. Using a phrase like, ” I appreciate you helping watch Tommy however that show is not suitable for his age and he has had nightmares in the past, I would be glad if you could watch something else.”
3.) Educate grandparents on the current digital landscape we are navigating as parents of digital natives. What I have noticed is that our folks do not fully have a grasp on all things digital media. By that I mean the nitty gritties of persuasive design, dopamine, auto play and stop cues, digital wellbeing, endless scroll etc. It is all entertainment to them. So being able to educate them on your screen values and why you are doing what you are doing can go a long way in managing their confusion and feeling as though you are being a screen police on their time with little Tommy.
4.) Continue with your regular screentime practices. This will give your children a sense of security in knowing things are still the same as far as their screentime use Kids feel unsafe when the boundaries are shaky. If you usually watch a Friday night movie , invite grandma / grandpa. If there are no iPads allowed in the room or at dinner then so be it. The modelling piece is also huge. When the grandparents begin to see that the kids do not access your phone to say watch videos or mindlessly scroll or if they see the TV remains off during the day they will happily follow suit.
Hope anything here is helpful!
xoxoxoxo Penny